Thursday, February 16, 2012

Santa Banta Once Again



Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.
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Jeeto: U know, husband & wife aren't allowed to be together in heaven!
Santa: Yes, I do.That's why it's called heaven!
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Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank's slogan was: We make your dreams come true...
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Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of College?
The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS
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Pappu: Dad, what is an idiot?
Santa: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Pappu: No.
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Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever: What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
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Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.
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Angry Santa to his son: Have you ever seen an owl?
Pappu: (Looking down) No...
Santa: Don't look down. Look at me.
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Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.
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Doctor asks Santa to give urine sample, stool & sperm sample for his yearly checkup.
Santa: I'm in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear!
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Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
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Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.
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Shopkeeper: This sweater's made of pure virgin wool sir.
Santa: You see I am not interested in the morals of the sheep. Just tell me, will it keep me warm?
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Santa: How's Ur Sex Life?
Banta: As ususal great, Monday to Friday.
Santa: What about the weekends?
Banta: Weekends? Oh! that time I'm at home, relaxing with my wife.
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Banta to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Banta: So what, take an umbrella and go.
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Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have posted it.
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Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.
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What a rip-off! Santa picked up a book called 37 Mating Positions. He goes home, opens it... and it turns out to be a book on chess!
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An Englishman and Banta inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Banta: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
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Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!
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Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on the road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Banta: I'm learning car driving.
Inspector: Without the instructor?
Banta: Correspondence Course!
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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports, Discovery Channel and Pogo!"
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Teacher: U call ur mother as MUM... what'll u call ur mother's younger sister & elder sister?
Santa's son: Mini Mum & Maxi Mum!
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Santa's father gave him a gun on wedding night & said: Fire in air if ur wife is virgin, shoot her if not.
Santa fired in air 1st night & shot her 2nd night.
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Boss: I'm giving u driver's job. Starting salary Rs. 3000, is it OK ?
Santa: U R great sir! Starting salary is Ok but how much is DRIVING salary?
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Santa & Banta were looking at Egyptian mummy.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case. Banta: Aaho, lorry number is also written... BC 1760 !!!.
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Banta: What do you call a wife who is beautiful, intelligent, understanding, caring, never jealous and a great cook?
Santa: Niri Afwah !!!
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Santa gets a Cheque & throws it on the ground. Can you Guess why?
To see whether it'll BOUNCE or not!
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Banta was traveling in an auto rickshaw with his wife. The driver adjusted the mirror.
Banta shouted: U r trying to see my wife, sit back, I'll drive!
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Santa looked in the mirror & said: Seems I've seen him some where.
Then he says: Oh yes! He's the same bastard who was standing next to my wife in my wedding album.
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Pappu: Dad what's Sex?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything. 
Pappu: But dad how do I write all that in this small box of school admission form?
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Santa declares: I'll never marry in my life and I'll give same advice to my children also.
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Santa: I'd like some Vitamins for my son.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C ?
Santa: Any will do as my son doesn't know the albhabets yet.
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Gal: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
Banta: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest.
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What's an adult joke?
Santa: Any joke which is eighteen years old.
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Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates and Me? 
Banta: Don't know.
Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go to his!
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Santa & Banta are walking down the road when Banta says: Look at that dog with one eye!
Santa covers one of his eyes and says: Where?
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Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
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Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, u r married now.
Santa: U mean if I am on diet, I can't look at the menu also?
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Santa drinking heavily in bar gets up and farts loudly. Man next to him: Excuse me, but you just farted before my wife.
Santa: Sorry, I didn't know it was her turn
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Heights of Friendship: Santa commiting suicide, someone asked the reason. He said: My wife ran with my friend and I can't live without my friend.
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Santa: I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!
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Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.'
He wrote: I was made by a mistake.
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Santa to his son: I think it's right time we should talk about sex!
Pappu: Sure dad, what do u wanna know...?
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An ATM's jammed & failed when operated by Santa. Why? B'coz he put a pin from his turban when asked: Enter ur Pin
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Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.
Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand.
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Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on Escalators.
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Lady Secretary: Sir, it's your wife's call. She wants to kiss you on the phone.
Santa: Take message and give me later.
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Santa: What food you feed your new born baby?
Beautiful young Mom: Breast milk & Orange juice...
Santa: Oye, which side is orange juice?
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Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto, Banta asks: Why are you removing a wheel from your auto?
Santa: Can't you read 'Parking for two wheelers only'
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See what a spelling mistake can do...
Santa went to Goa. Sent SMS to his wife: Having a wonderful time, wish u were Her
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Banta: Some people can tell time by looking at the sun.
Santa: But I've never been able to see the numbers
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Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
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Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For u n ur parents
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Banta: Y do u take ur wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is open
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Museum Administrator: That's a 500 year old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
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Banta: I've discovered the origin of the word Good-Bye
Santa: Oh, yeah? What's it? Banta: Many years ago, some husband said to his wife, 'I'm leaving u!' & the wife said: Good! Bye!
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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
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Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!
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Banta: U looked troubled, what's ur prob?
Santa: I'm going to b a father
Banta: But, that's wonderful
Santa: What's wonderful! My wife doesn't know about it yet
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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That's Tipu's skeleton when he was child
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Banta: Y did u buy ur wife a huge diamond ring for her B'day? I thought she wanted a car.
Santa: She did, but where in the world was I going to find a fake car?
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Santa: If I die will u remarry?
Jeeto: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Santa: No, I'll also stay with ur sister
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Jeeto & Preeto were talking about their new milkman.
Jeeto: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said Preeto
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A man to Santa: Ur friend is kissing ur wife in ur home.
Santa rushes home and came back within half an hour n slapped the man n said: He's not my friend.
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While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here
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Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Couple of seconds later he received a report on his phone and he started to dance. The report said: 'Delivered'
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Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing? 
Santa: Drying sweat
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Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.
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Jeeto yelled at Santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?
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Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.
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A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. 
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out
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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
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Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long.....!
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Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM
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Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
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Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, PUTTAR hua PUTTAR. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It's a gal
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Jeeto: If I die what'll you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some time too much of happiness can also kill a man.
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Santa: What's difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser & superman wears it over the trouser.
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