Japanese Tourist

There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing.

On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport.During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.

Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!.

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.

Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!!

The Japanese exclaimed, "What??… so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST

Newton in Romantic Mood......

Universal law of Love:

" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money " 

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First law of Love:

" a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "

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Second law of Love:

" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. " 

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Third law of Love:

" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping ."

Season Pass

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will $be fined 20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?" 

COMPLETELY FINISHED

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand.

Some people say there is no difference between 
COMPLETE & FINISHED.

I beg to differ because, there is!!!

When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE"..

And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"!

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ...
"COMPLETELY FINISHED" !!   

PEANUTS

A  doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.

For  weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When  the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well.

As  the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, 'Up Nuts', and the patients  complied by standing up.  After the anthem, he yelled, 'Down  Nuts', and they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run  was hit, the doctor yelled, 'Cheer Nuts'.

They all broke out  into applause and cheered. 

When the umpire made a particularly bad call  against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, 'Booooo Nuts' and they  all started booing and cat calling.

Comfortable with  their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving  his assistant in charge. When he  turned, there  was a riot in progress.

Finding his  tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, 'What in the world  happened?'

The assistant replied,  'Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and  yelled, 'PEANUTS!'

Ghost chat

Two ghosts met and both chat about how they died.

1st ghost : How u died?

2nd ghost : I died of cold.

1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold?

2nd ghost : Actually, I was  accidentally locked  in the refrigerator.

Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died suffocating.

1st ghost :  Wow what a horrible way to die....

2nd ghost : How about you? How u die?

1st ghost : I died from heart attack.

2nd ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack?

1st ghost : Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man.

One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone.

I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing.

Because  of all that running,I got a heart attack and died.

2nd ghost :   Why  you  never look for the bastard in the fridge? The bastard was hiding there. We both might be  alive now!!

Warm and Moist!

Customer: I'd like to buy some dog food.

Salesman: Do you have a dog?

Customer: Yes.

Salesman: Where is he?

Customer: He's at home.

Salesman: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.

The next day, the same customer returns.

Customer: I'd like to buy some cat food.

Salesman: Do you have a cat?

Customer: Yes.

Salesman: Well.where is she?

Customer: She's at home!

Salesman: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the customer returns again.

Salesman: What's in the sack?

Customer: Put your hand inside.

Salesman: Hmmm.It's warm and moist! What is it?

Customer: I would like to buy some toilet paper......