God And Mahatma Gandhi

God decided to encourage people to have fewer children and  introduced an award scheme… During the procedure at one point, he concentrated on learning about the situation in India :

He first met Jawaharlal Nehru in heaven, and asked him how many children he had during his time on earth. Nehru replied… only one!

Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God awarded Nehru with a Celestial Rolls Royce!

Indira Gandhi was next, and God asked the same question. She replied she had two children, and God thought, not too bad, so he gave her a BMW.

Dr. Radhakrishnan was next in line. God was not pleased to hear that he had six children, and gave him a Morris-8 as a kind of punishment…

Sometime later, the three (Nehru, Indira and Radhakrishnan) going around in their new cars, saw Mahatma Gandhi on foot!!!

Wondering what went wrong; they asked why God hadn't been merciful with him…

The Mahatma replied in disgust, "God did not even ask me!!!

Some idiots had told him that I am the father of the whole Indian nation!"

Management Decision

Once SONIA GANDHI, L.K.  Advani  and Laloo Prasad Yadav were  travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died. 

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death. 

He asks Mrs GANDHI and Advani to go to HEAVEN. 

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. 

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. 

Then why the differential treatment? 

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions. 

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test. 

Mrs GANDHI is asked to spell " INDIA " and she does it correctly. 

Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes. 

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ". 

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. 

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent. 

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three). 

Mrs GANDHI is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". She writes it easily and passes. 

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes. 

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....." 
Tough one. He fails again. 

Laloo is extremely unhappy. 

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history 

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests. 

Mrs GANDHI is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". She replied "1947" and passed. 

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?". 

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000. 
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes. 

It's Laloo's turn now. 
' 

' 

' 
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle. 
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL. 

Moral of the story:
 IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE. ....

A Prayer to Lord

Dear Lord,
You took my favorite actor.. Shammi Kapoor.
You took my favorite actress.. ..Madhubala,
You took my favorite singer.... Mohammed Rafi
I just wanted to let you know;
My favorite politicians are :
Sharad Pawar,
Manish Tiwari,
Kapil Sibal,
Abhishek Sangvi ,
Madamji,
Dig VjaySingh,
PChh....
And I can send you the list. 

George Bush

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time.


One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, What is your name?


Bob


And what is your question, Bob?


I have 3 questions.


First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?




Second, why are you president when al gore got more votes?


Third, what happened to Osama bin laden?


Just then, the bell rings for recess.


George bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.


When they resume George says, Ok where were we?


Oh, that's right. Question time. Who has a question?


A different little boy raises his hand.


George points him out and asked him what is your name?


Steve


And what is your question Steve?


I have 5 questions.


First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of UN?


Second, why are you president when Al Gore got more votes?


Third, what happened to Osama bin laden?


Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?


Fifth, where is Bob?


******

LETTER TO GEORGE BUSH......

After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama is still alive, 'Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwritingto let him know he was still in the game. 


Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of Coded message:


370H-SSV-0773H 


Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice .


Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.


No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad.


Eventually they asked Indian Intelligence (CBI) for help.


Within a minute, CBI emailed the White House with this reply: 'Tell the President he's holding the message upside down.'

Funny Story

While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.


He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.


Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.


"I do so by asking them the right questions," says
Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."


Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,


"Mr.Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"


Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"


"Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says,"Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"


Bush nods: "Yes Mr..President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"


Bush, upon returning to Washington,decides he'd better put Condoleeza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."


"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"


Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"


Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.


Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls ColinPowell and explains the problem.


"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"


Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."


Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"


And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Manmohan Singh!" 

Health Minister

The health minister Mr. Amadasa is visiting a psychiatric ward.

He asks the head of psychology, "How do you determine if a patient is cured."

The psychologist explains:

"We take them to the bathtub, which is filled with water, hand them a spoon and a cup and ask them to empty the bathtub."

"I see," says the health minister, "The cured person would choose the cup because it`s bigger, and would empty the tub faster."

"Actually no," replies the psychologist, "A normal person would simply pull the plug."

Kapil Sibbal and a puppy !!!

"Ek baar Kapil Sibbal ki car ke neeche 1 chota "Puppy" aa ke mar gaya.

Sibbal ne driver se kaha ki is ke maalik ka Pata Karo.

Driver malik ko dhoondne chala gaya.

Jab wapis aaya to us ke gale mein bahut si phooloon ki malaayein thi.

Sibbal: Yeh kya hai ?

Driver: Sir logon ne meri puri baat hi nahin suni aur khushi mein itne saare haar dal diye … Maine sirf yeh hi kaha tha ki ….. "main Kapil Sibbal ka driver hoon … Kutte ka Bachcha mar gaya hai."

एक बार कपिल सिब्बल की कार के नीचे एक छोटा "पप्पी" आ के मर गया

सिब्बल ने अपने ड्राईवर से कहा की इस के मालिक का पता करो

ड्राईवर मालिक को ढूँढने चला गया

जब वापिस आया तो उस के गले में बहुत सी फूलों की मालाएं थी

सिब्बल : ये क्या है ?

ड्राईवर : सर लोगों ने मेरी पूरी बात ही नहीं सुनी और ख़ुशी में इतने सारे हार दाल दिए ........मैंने तो सिर्फ ये ही कहा था की ........................."मैं कपिल सिब्बल का ड्राईवर हूँ .............कुत्ते का बच्चा मर गया है "

Who are you?

This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US!!!

A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton...

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how r u'.

Then Mr. Clinton should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.'

It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Clinton , he mistakenly said 'Who r u?' (instead of 'How r u?'. )

Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: 'Well, I'm Hillary's husband, ha-ha...'

Then Mori replied ,'me too, ha-ha.. .'.

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room &..

Moral of the Story:

Let Experts do their Work !!!