Brake Fail

Brake fail

Santa : O Banno Car ki speed itani kyo badha di..?

Biwi : Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, accident ho jaye iske pehele ghar pahunch jaate hai.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Banta fell in love with a porno star and married her. He got an opportunity to watch one of her movie.... The Movie came to an End.

A bit disturbed and annoyed with what he saw, Banta told himself, "Thank God it was just a movie and not reality."

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Santa & Banta were fighting after exam.

Sir: Y r u fighting?

Santa : This fool left the answer sheet blank,

Sir: So what?

Santa: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.

 ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?

Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

........... ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Letter of Banta Singh to Bill Gates

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,


This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer


for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your


notice.


1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and


whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ******


appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but


we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware


vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.


Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I


request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.


2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down '


button.


3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request


you to check this.


4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run '


has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so


that we can click that by sitting.


5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find


only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.


6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost


the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',


but unable to trace. Is it a bug??


7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from


CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.


8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning


'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect


ur money.


9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft


sentence', so when u will provide that?

More Sardarji Jokes

Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 cr after
deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 crore or else return my Rs.20 back.
****
Sardar proposed to a Girl
Girl said 'I'm 1 year older to you'
Sardar replied: 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT
YEAR.
****
Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..
****
Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody will b
there....... ...... Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there
****
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
****
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
****
19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN A BIG GROUP OF 19?
THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...
****
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth......
WHY?
because his doctor advised 'light' dinner.
****
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as
to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
****
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It"s already
raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
****
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa
****
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
****
Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly..... .
Wife asks why...
sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10
****
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefuly
in his sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d car he was
driving..
****
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what
you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
****
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
****
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
****
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON THE OXYGEN TUBE!"
****
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-I m seeing how i look while sleeping.

A car on loan

Santa bought a car on loan...
He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this,
I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
Translation from Hindi to English,
"Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"
........... ......... ......... ......... ......
Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai.
Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.
Santa: Kaise?
Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U,
To woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'
...............................................
 तूफानी बारिश में संता का 'धक्का'


तूफानी बारिश हो रही थी, आधी रात में संता ने एक घर का दरवाजा खटखटाया और बोला
भाईसाब धक्का लगा दोगे क्या
दरवाजा खोलने आया आदमी नींद में था, उसने मना कर दिया
कुछ देर बाद उस आदमी को  आत्मग्लानि हुई, उसने सोचा यदि कभी मैं रात में फंस गया और किसी ने मदद नहीं की तो क्या होगा
आदमी बाहर आया और आवाज लगाईः तुम हो कहां
संताः पार्क में झूले पर
------------------------------------------------

कारण


औरते आदमीयोंके मुकाबले अच्छा, शांत और लंबा आयुष्य व्यतीत करती है ... इसका क्या कारण होगा ?
एक बुध्दीमान सरदारजीने झटसे जवाब दिया - क्योंकी उन्हे बीवीयां नही होती.
-----------------------------------------------



............ ......... ......... ......... .....

How to Attract the girls?

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend Billy for advice.


"It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool... They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too little, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside them. I'm telling ya man...you'll have all the babes you want!"


The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!


Bubba went back to his buddy Billy and asked him, "What's wrong now?'"


"Lard-Almighty Bubba!" said Billy, "the potatoe goes in the front!"

SARDAR JOKES-1

Sardar : My mobile bill how much?


Call Centre Girl : Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status


Sardar : Stupid, not CURRENT BILL MY MOBILE BILL.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Friend : I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!


Sardar : Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Judge : Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..


Sardar to judge : U R coming daily, don't U have shame?


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Question  : "Should Women have Children after 35?"


Smart Sardar Replied : "No!


35 Children R More than Enough!!"


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.


Manager : Do U know MS Office?


Sardar : If U give me the address I will go there sir.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"


Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's


Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:


"Torch is okay"


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?


Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .... While its landing he shouted: " Bombay


... Bombay "


Air hostess said : "B silent."


Sardar : "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"


Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...! !!


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Sir : What is difference between Orange and Apple?


Sardar : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE 

Sardarjiiii tusi great ho ji!!!!!!!!!!!!

Santa :  I am a proud Sardar, my son is in Medical College .
Banta :  Really, what is he studying,
Santa :  No he is not studying, they are studying him.
 ************ ********* ********* ********* *********
 What is common between : Krishna , Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied :  All are born on Government Holidays.
  ************ ********* ********* ********* *********
 Santa falls in love with a nurse...after much
thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her:  "I love you sister."
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
 Pappu, while filling up a form:  "Dad, what should I write for mother tongue"?
Santa:  "Very long""!
*********** ********* ********* ********* *********
 Santa went out to buy an Indian flag.
The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next...  Ismein aur colour dikhayiye".
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
Santa went to battery shop and asked to change the battery.
The shopkeeper asked:  "Exide laga du?"
Santa:  "Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?"
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge:  What'll you take - 30 days or Rs 3000?
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
Q:  How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in school?
A:  He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
Q:  A Man asked Santa:  "Akal badi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola:  "Pehle date of birth to batao."
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
Q:  Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A:   Because it was an entrance exam.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
What's Ford?
Santa:  Gaadi.
What's Oxford ?
Santa:  So simple, Bail Gaadi
 ********** ********* ********* *********
Santa:  My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta:  He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Santa:  I didn't say he got out.
************ ********* ********* *********
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever - "What comes first - the chicken or the egg?"
"O yaar,  jiska order pehle doge,  vo ayega"!
************ ********* ********* *********
Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Banta:  "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"

Evolution of man

Evolution of man:

Without shaadi Spiderman

Shaadi k din superman

Shaadi k baad Gentleman

Aur

B.V khobsurat hoto sari umar watchman.

~~~~~~~~~

Neighbour to sardar: " Raat nu teri khirki khuli is, I enjoyed full scene u did with bhabhi".

Sardar: "Ban gaya na pagal, main to raat ghar par tha he nahi".

~~~~~~~~~

Ek Pathan ki behan ko daku utha kar Le gaye,

Sab ne kaha daku khatarnak hain khali haath mat jana behan ko bachane.

Pathan 2 kilo mithayi Le gaya.

~~~~~~~~~

2007 ka faqir: baji bhoka hoon Allah k waste khana de do.

Baji: abhi khananahi bana, baad main aana.

Faqir: mera number Le lo, jab khana ban jaye to miscall kar dena.

~~~~~~~~~

Santa Joke

Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,

Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?

Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'

************ ********* ********* ****

Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?

Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.

************ ********* ********* ****

Santa: Doc Saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?

Doc: Haan, bilkul.

Santa: To phir theek hai doc Saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.

************ ********* ********* ****

Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi...

Jeeto: Koun is film thi ?

Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !

************ ********* ********* ****

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

************ ********* ********* ****

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye

Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

************ ********* ********* ****

Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna Enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets

Jeeto: Why 3?

Santa: For you and your parents

************ ********* ********* ****

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

###################################

sardar

Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office...."

~~~~~~~~~

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " Tamil therima??"

Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

********************************************************

Bhabhiji's Name

Laughter Is A Best Medicine.

Santa: Bhabiji ka naam kya hai?

Banta: Google Kaur

Santa: Eh? Ye kya naam hai Santa?

Banta: Ek sawaal karo, dus jawaab milega......

MTV Bakra.. !

Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Jasmeet: 'What are you searching for?'

Santa: 'Hidden cameras!'

Jasmeet: 'And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?'

Santa: 'That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing.

Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching MTV! How does he know that?'

ULTIMATE MACHINE

A lie machine is bought. It works in the following way.....

If the truth is told- the machine wont give any sound If a lie is told- the machine will give a sound 'KIRRRRRRRR.. . '

Now there are three Indians.One Bengali,one Madrasi and one Sardarji.

Their correspondences are given infront of the lie machine.Here it goes......

Bengali :- 'I think I can eat 30 rosogullas at a time!'

Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Bengali:-'No no, I think I can eat 10 rosogullas at a time'

Lie machine:- no sound(truth is told)

Madrasi:-'I think I can eat 25 dosas at a time'

Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Madrasi:-'No no,I think I can eat 10 dosas at a time'

Lie machine:-no sound(truth)

Sardarji:-'I think....'

Lie machine:- 'KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'

Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR.. .'.

Sardarji:-'I think...'

Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'

Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'

Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'

Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'

Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'

Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR...

******

Drunk Santa Singh

There was once a competition involving three grueling tests. The participants had to do the following in immediate succession:

1.) Drink five bottles of hard whiskey in one go

2) Enter a room where there was a starving lion and pluck out its eyes with bare hands.

3) And then screw a very horny babe to her full satisfaction.

Many people bravely tried their hands (or should I say mouths) at it. Few could get beyond the first stage. And the inebriated few who managed it, got promptly eaten up by the starving lion. There was none who could reach the third stage.

And then, one fine day, Santa Singh walked into the contest. Five bottles of whiskey were nothing for him. He emptied five bottles in five gulps. Then he said, " Bhale change hai hum, tagde hai. Batao, lion kahan hai." When shown the room, he coolly walked in.

There was no hint of fear on his face, but rather the cool confidence of a person who knew he could do it.

Sounds of a mammoth fight came from the room. Screams of the Sardar and growls of the lion were intermingled. Thumps and thuds which shook the very earth ensued. All of a sudden there was a piercing, heart-rending roar from the Lion.

The audience waited with bated breath, their hair stood on end. And then, as suddenly as it had begun, the titanic roar stopped. An eerie silence prevailed.

As the audience watched, with eyes popping out, the door of the room opened, and out came the Sardar. Badly bruised, with blood streaming from his face, hands and legs, he stumbled out - victorious, nevertheless. His face had the glow of satisfaction of an emperor who had just won a battle.

And then he asked, "Where is the woman whose eyes I have to pluck out?"

Sardarji in Delhi

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes".

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder ."

The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder "

Missed Call

Banta Singh and Santa Singh got tired using cell phones and for a change decided to use really ancient methods of communication. They decided to use pigeons to send messages.

So they went and bought expensive carrier pigeons from the Jama Masjid market in old Delhi and found to their joy that the pigeons indeed could be trained and the birds very easily learnt to return directly to their respective homes. And so this scheme worked very fine.

One day Santa sends his pigeon.

When the pigeon reaches to Banta it is without message.

Banta picked his mobile and asked Santa "What is this joke? The pigeon is without any message!!!"

Santa said "Oye khotey, this was a missed call."

PUNJABI LOVE LETTER

Dear meri dil ki katori,

Mai kya ji, it was ji very well since the time I put my eyes on you at Bunty's wedding.

The parrots flew out of my hands, when u turned like a truck on a blind curve and smiled at me.

Now I see ur face everywhere, even in my chicken-curry. The butter chicken reminds me your sweet voice.

Mai kya ji, would you be the butter on my naan and the chicken in my curry of life....!!!!

Koi gal nahi, take ur time but don't put the foot on the Brakes of my love ji.

What to do, I to have started thinking about Shaadi-Vaadi. Karao maat wait, say yes for a date!

Balle Balle ......

Santa and Banta

Santa and Banta

Santa : Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?

Banta : I give up.

Santa : Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music

*****************************************************************************

Jasmeet : "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband Santa."

Judge : "But why ?"

Jasmeet : "Because he is not faithful to me."

Judge : "How do you know ?"

Jasmeet : "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

******************************************************************************

From his death bed, Santa called his wife Jasmeet and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Banta."

Jasmeet : "Banta ! But he is your enemy !"

Santa : " Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

***************************************************************************

Banta : I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife Preeto that I'd be home tonight, and when I got into my room I found Preeto in another man's arms.

Santa : kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, " Maybe, she didn't get the fax."

****************************************************************************