Implants new ear

Doctor implants new ear to a man.
Man: U fraud, U gave me a woman's ear.
Doctor: It makes no difference.
Man: It does, now I can hear everything but understand nothing.


............ ......... ......... ......... .........


DIFF. BETWEEN GOD,TAILOR,GIRLFRIEND & WIFE?


GOD MAKES MAN,
TAILOR MAKES HIM GENTELMAN,
GIRLFRIEND MAKES HIM HE-MAN
AND WIFE MAKES HIM DOBERMAN.
............ ......... ......... ......... .........
This cat,
Is cat,
A cat,
Good cat,
Way cat,
To cat,
Keep cat,
An cat,
Idiot cat,
Busy cat,
For cat,
20 cat,
Seconds cat !...
Now read it without the word cat
............ ......... ......... ......... .........
Dream makes all things possible,
Hope makes all things work,
Luv makes all things beautiful,
Smile makes all the above
So always BRUSH UR TEETH...!
.......... ......... ......... ......... .........

Suicide of Disagreement

A talking Frog told Lalu, Lalu, you don't have any brain.
Lalu said, I have it.
Frog repeated, No you don't.
Excited Lalu yelled, Yes, I have it.
Angry Frog, screamed, No hell, you don't. And Frog jumps into the water.
Perturbed Lalu mumbled to himself, There was no need to drown and commit suicide for it!!
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
The newly married wife goes to the store to buy personal things for the husband. She inquires about the deodorant for the men.
The salesman asks, "Do you want the ball type."
The wife says, "No this is for his underarms."
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
Teacher: U idiots! At your age Einstein ranked first in class. Wt abt u..?
Student: Sir at your age Hitler committed suicide..! Wt abt u..?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
Boy to girl: Hey if i climb this coconut tree, I can see Engg college girls.
Girl: Leave both the hands from there, U can see medical college girls..
-----------------------------------------------------
Mirror Desire
Lalu spoke in love, "Why don't you and I go to some place where there is nobody."
Pyari flirted, "You won't make any mischief with me there, would you?"
Lalu assured in fright, "Not at all"
Pyari angered, "Then why the hell you want to go to there?"
~~~~~~~~~
Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice :
99% Sound and 1% Advice….
~~~~~~~~~
A student In a interview:
How does an electric motor run?
Student:dhuurrrr
Interviewer shouts: stop it.
Student: dhurr dhp dp dup dup.
~~~~~~~~~
Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Wives r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
~~~~~~~~
Ouch!
Ouch! It's too tight.
Don't worry,sweetheart ! We'll try to do it slowly.Push it in .
Aah!  I  can't. It's painful.
Ok,sweetheart, Let's get another..... .... WEDDING RING
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
The Top 5 answ. Given by girls in India when a boy proposes.
1)No
2)R u mad
3)i alwys looked u like a good friend
4)i don't belive in love
5)Sorry i love someone
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
A Toilet is like a committee meeting.
People come with lot of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and ultimately DROP THE MATTER.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?
Mrs. Smith: Yes,  thirteen.
Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?
Mrs. Smith:  Well, I love my husband.
Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of  my mouth once in a while.
----------------------------------------------------
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Good… Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Bad…. Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn’t say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You appoint me.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **
Munna Bhai: Aay circuit, baapu bole to Gandhi ji
Kapde kyun nahi pehantay thay?
Circuit: Bhai bole to baapu bhi us time
Ke Salmaan Khan thay!!!
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Maths teacher asked JOHNY
“If u have 12 chocalate and u give 5 to DONA,
3 to ALICE and 4 to ROMA then what will u get ?
JOHNY replied “Sir! 3 new girl friends”.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled, why?
When asked him, he said,
"Oye, that’s for those who don’t know Swimming. 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE. 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
U can control ur breadth,not ur death.
U can control ur life but not wife...
U can control emotions.... .but not
Loose motions..ha ha
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *

Flirt

Is duniya me flirt ki koi kami nahi...
Suraj ko hi dekhlo,
Wo aata hai Usha ke sath,
Jata Sandhya ke sath,
Sota Nisha ke sath,
Aur uthta Kiran ke sath...
~~~~~~~~~
Pathan's wife: Jaan ek puppy do na.
Pathan: kocha! Ghar main khaanay k liye paisa nahi hai, aur tujhe kuttay ka bacha chahiye.
~~~~~~~~~
Ek Pathan ke pass blank message aya,
Pathan us number pe phone kar k bola. :"tum ko pata hai yara, tumhare mobile ka ink khatam ho gaya hai."
~~~~~~~~~
Wife: suniye g aap ka dost galat ladki se shaadi kar raha hai. Aap usse rokte kyon nahi?
Husband: main kyon rokon? Us NE mujhe roka tha kya.
~~~~~~~~~


Girl's excuses:
Phone mat kiya karo dear,
mom hoti hai near,
papa se lagta hai fear,
baat nahin hoti hai clear
Isliye SMS kiya karo dear
without fear n very clear
***************
Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se
baandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal
***************
Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe
likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN
***************
Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile,
mujhse bhi achche yaar mile,
meri girlfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe
aur tujhe ek aur behan ka pyar mile
***************
It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper
that we use to write one exam.
Join us in promoting the noble cause
of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS
***************
Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha.
2nd day doosri ladki k saath dekha gaya.
3rd day koi aur ladki thi.
4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey
***************
Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?
Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.
***************

In art gallery
In art gallery : couple sees picture of a girl covered by leaf.
Husband keet watching her.
Wife : ab chaloge bhi ya Hawa k aane ka intezar karte raho gey?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...
Sardar sharab peeta ro raha tha.
Sharab wala : kyon ro rahe ho?
Sardar : aur kya karoon? Main jis ladki ka naam bhulana chata hoon. Us ka naam yaad hi nahi aa raha.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...
Wife : I will die.
Husband : I will also die.
Wife : why do u want to die?
Husband : because main itni khushi bardasht nahi kar sakta.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...
Maa: beti tum sari raat kahan thi?
Beti: main sari raat apne boy friend ke saath thi.
Maa: to kar aayee apna muh kala.
Beti: to kya hua fair & lovely hai na.

Terrrific quotes

Love is photogenic it needs darkness to develop.
************
A good discussion is like a miniskirt, Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject!
************
Children in backseats cause accidents, Accidents in backseats cause children!
************
"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep!
************
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning!
************
"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY", So what? Who's in a hurry?
************
"Hard work never killed anybody", But why take the risk! (I don't want to be an exception!)
************
"Work fascinates me", I can sit and watch it for hours!
************
God made relatives, Thank God we can choose our friends.
************
My girlfriend ran away with my best friend and I really am sorry for him!
************
God is Alive! Speak to Him!, (It's cheaper after 9.30 p.m.!)
************
When two's company, three's the result!
************
A designer dress is like a barbed fence, It protects the premises without restrictinge view!
************

Hijackers' trick

A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of politicians.
They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren't met, they would release one politician every hour.
............ ......... ......... ......... ...
Patient: Doctor I heard 10 percent of the total patients undergoing this surgery die.
Doctor: Don't worry man, those 10 percent patients operated by me are already dead. Now it's the turn of the 90 percent survivors.
............ ......... ......... ......... ...
Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
............ ......... ......... ......... ...
"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."
"Don't worry, it won't happen to you. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia only."
............ ......... ......... ......... ...
just to laugh.
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
............ ......... ......... ......... ...
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
............ ......... ......... ......... ...
Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."
 ............ ......... ......... ......... ...
 U r very special
U r very special 4 me...
U should b safe always...
U should b safe my dear...
I cant b wid u all time....
So pls b careful wenever u
Jump from tree 2 tree...
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ........
“A great handshake was observed in two humans
Of opposite sex at a wedding ring
Before a deadly bout of Lifetime.”
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ........
Boy Friend is like a chocolate, "Taste good always."
Girl Friend is like Pizza, Hot’ n’Spicy, "Delicious anytime."
Wife is like the refrigerated left overs, "Eaten when no choice."
Husband is like a cooled off Tea in a cup, "Headache on sip."
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ........

Qutub minar

Father: Qutub minar kahan hai?
Son: pata nahin.
Father: kabhi ghar se bhi to bahar nikla karo.
Son: jamil uncle kaun hain?
Father pata nahi.
Son: kabhi ghar pe bhi to ruka karo.
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: aaj main NE pani ko ullu bana diya.


Friend: pani ko ullu? Who kaise?


Sardar: oye! Subha main NE pani garam kiya, aur thande pani se naha liya


~~~~~~~
Man to hotel manager: jaldi chalo, meri wife khirki se kood kar jaan dena chahti hai.


Manager: so .. Sir what can I do?


Man: abey khirki nahin khul rahi hai.
~~~~~~~~~
Ek sardar ki maa ki tabiyat kharab thi,


Jab hospital legaye to doctor NE bola ki in ke test ho gaye.


Sardar bola in ki umar zyada hai test nahin one day karwa lo.

Collection of PJ's

Brad Pitt and Vidya Balan get married

After marriage, lots of students gather at their home.

why ?

Because her name becomes Vidya Pitt (vidyapeeth)

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Rahul gandhi: Mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho pa rahi.

Sonia gandhi: Kyun beta?

Rahul gandhi: Har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

BRUCE LEE was a great man

But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man.

why?

Because he became

MAMU LEE!

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Santa and banta r discussing...

Santa: "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!"

Banta: "with me it's the opposite, if i sleep i can't drink coffee."

__________________________________________________________________________________________

One day Ravan went to a disco aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya.

kyun?

B'coz it was written on the gate that "entry fee Rs.1500 per head"

__________________________________________________________________________________________

who made Ganesh to Anesh...????

ThinK......

Think......

Okay.....

" KAILASH KHER " Tere naam se " G " loon....

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai.

To naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai.

Kyon?

Think.

Give up??

Coz... "Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango.."

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Ek nadi thi...... uske upar ek pull bana hua tha.....

pull par bahut saari ladkiyan khadi thi...... sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....

Guess who was the lucky guy?

Keep Guessing.... ..

Chalo yaar....the answer is "KISNA"

Jo hai albela mad naino wala... jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala..... woh kisna hai...

__________________________________________________________________________________________

If a CAT crosses ur way, when u are going some where, then what does it mean????????

It means that the Cat is also going somewhere.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

AND FINALLY THE LAST ONE NOT THE LEAST

Why are Indian husbands called "MADE OF SILVER"

And Why are American husbands called "MADE OF GOLD"

Socho

Thoda aur Socho

Socho Socho....

Nahi Aata

Bcoz Indian wives call their husband "A g" (Scientific Symbol for Silver)

And American wives call their husband "A u" (Scientific Symbol for Gold....)

Cool meanings

Cigarette:

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

***********

Love affairs:

Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

***********

Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

***********

Divorce:

Future tense of marriage

***********

Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

***********

Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

***********

Compromise :

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

***********

Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .

***********

Dictionary:

A place where divorce comes before marriage.

***********

Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

***********

Ecstasy:

A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

***********

Classic:

A book which people praise, but do not read.

***********

Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

***********

Office:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

***********

Yawn:

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

***********

Etc:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

***********

Committee:

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

***********

Experience :

The name men give to their mistakes.

***********

Atom Bomb:

An invention to end all inventions.

***********

Philosopher :

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

***********

Diplomat:

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

***********

Opportunist:

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

***********

Optimist :

A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.

***********

Pessimist:

A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY

***********

Miser:

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

***********

Father:

A banker provided by nature.

***********

Criminal:

A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.

***********

Boss:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

***********

Politician:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

***********

Doctor:

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills .