Footprints

One day a man having conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.


He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.


He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??"


To which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you"


*******


Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.


I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.


I asked my PM, "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??"


To which my PM answered, "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you... You see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times I was "sitting on your head !!!"


*******

Computer Tech Calls

These "silly tech support calls " have been around in e-mails and online since the dawn of tech support.  


They are always fun to read.  I'm in the mood for a good laugh.  How about you?
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.


Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?


Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.


Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.


Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry....
**********
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?


Female customer: A white one...


Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.


Customer:  Your left or my left?
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?


Male customer: Hello... I can't print.


Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and..
.
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...  
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...


Tech support: Do you have a color printer?


Customer: Aaaah....... ......... ....thank you.
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?


Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
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Customer:  My keyboard is not working anymore.


Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?


Customer:  No. I can't get behind the computer.


Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back


Customer:  OK


Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?


Customer: Yes


Tech support:  That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?


Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.


Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?


Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.


Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?


Customer: Five stars.
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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?


Customer: Netscape.


Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.


Customer : Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
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Customer:  I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?


Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.


Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?


Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?  
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.


Tech support: Are you running it under windows?


Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."  
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And last but not least...


Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"


Customer: I don't have a P.


Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.


Customer: What do you mean?


Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.


Customer:  I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
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The Boss

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.


The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"


So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff and he was gone.


Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails."Pfufffff and he was also gone.


The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back right now ." Pfuffff ……….:


Lesson :- ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST

20 Rules in any office

1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right.

2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.

4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.

8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it...

12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.

14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous" .

16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.

18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.

19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.

20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

Only God can understand us

Only GOD can understand us !!!!!!!!

Swarg ke dwar pe 3 log khade the....

God : Sirf 1 hi andar ja sakta hai....

1st : Main Brahmin hu, sari umar

aapki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera hak hai.... Bhagwan Kuch Nahi bole

2nd : Main Doctor hu, sari umar logo ki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera haq

hai....

Bhagwan Kuch Nahi bole

3rd : Maine sari umar Private Company mein kam kiya hai.... .......

Bhagwan Bole :Bus......... aage kuch mat bol.... Rulaayega kya pagle..?

Andar aa ja......... Tere forwarded mails, follow-ups, promotion nahi milne

ka wo 6 saal, month end, quarter end, year ends me woh night shifts, data

nahi milne se doosre departments se panga, CTC se zaada deductions, raat me

ghar jane ka lafda , family ko na time dene ki frustrations, boss se

meetings, delivery dates, week ends mein kaam etc etc. mere ko senti kar

diya re..aja jaldi andar aja.......

Job rejected?

Next time your application for a job is rejected...

Dear [Interviewer's Name ]:

Thank you for your letter of [Date of Interview].

After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have had been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite [Firm's Name]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]

POETIC RESIGNATION

Humorous Employee Resignation

------------ ---

The name is good, the brand is big

But the work I do is that of a pig

The work or the brand; what is my way?

I don't know if I should stay.

To work, they have set their own way

Nobody will care to hear what I say

My will be NULL, they wont change their way

I don't know if I should stay.

The project is in a critical stage

But to do good work, this is the age

This dilemma is killing me day by day

I don't know if I should stay.

The money is good, the place is great

But the development is at a very small rate

Should I go for the work, or wait for pay

I don't know if I should stay!

The managers don't know what they talk

The team doesn't know where they walk

That's a bad situation, what say?

I don't know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place

But what if I get the same disgrace

I can't keep switching day by day

I don't know if I should stay.

The -ves are more, the +ves are less

Then why have this unnecessary mess

No more will I walk their way,

It's all done, I won't stay.