THE BOSS

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:

"I'm afraid he died last week. " she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

" Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . . "

Boss Kidnapped

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time.....


Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"


They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.


We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."


One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?


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"About 1 litre."

Footprints

One day a man having conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.


He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.


He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??"


To which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you"


*******


Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.


I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.


I asked my PM, "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??"


To which my PM answered, "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you... You see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times I was "sitting on your head !!!"


*******

The Boss

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.


The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"


So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff and he was gone.


Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails."Pfufffff and he was also gone.


The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back right now ." Pfuffff ……….:


Lesson :- ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST

20 Rules in any office

1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right.

2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.

4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.

8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it...

12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.

14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous" .

16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.

18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.

19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.

20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

THE BOSS

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:

"I'm afraid he died last week. " she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

" Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . . "