DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!

They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.


Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.


The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:


L: Have you any grounds?


P: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.


L: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?


P: It made of concrete.


L: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?


P: No, we have carport, and not need one.


L: I mean. What are your relations like?


P: All my relations still in Poland.


L: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?


P: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.


L: Does your wife beat you up?


P: No, I always up before her.


L: Is your wife a nagger?


P: No, she white.


L: Why do you want this divorce?


P: She going to kill me.


L: What makes you think that?


P: I got proof.


L: What kind of proof?


P: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: Polish Remover".
********

Divorced Barbie

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.

He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have

' Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95,

'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95,

'Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95,

' Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95,

'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 and

'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00"

"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?, the father asked.

The store manager replied: "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat, Ken's furniture and all of Ken's savings."