Newton in Romantic Mood......

Universal law of Love:

" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money " 

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First law of Love:

" a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "

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Second law of Love:

" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. " 

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Third law of Love:

" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping ."

WALK NAKED ON AMERICA DAY

Don't forget to mark your calendars. As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked.  He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment. The American government appreciates your efforts to root out  terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.


God Bless America !


It is your patriotic duty to pass this on. If you don't send this to at least 5 people, you're a terrorist-sympathizing, lily-livered coward and are in the position of posing as a national threat.

How to Attract the girls?

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend Billy for advice.


"It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool... They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too little, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside them. I'm telling ya man...you'll have all the babes you want!"


The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!


Bubba went back to his buddy Billy and asked him, "What's wrong now?'"


"Lard-Almighty Bubba!" said Billy, "the potatoe goes in the front!"

Girl Vs Boys

If you treat her nice she says"Yaar mujhe line de raha hai".


If you don't she says "Kitna akadta hai".


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If you dress nicely she says "Mujhay impress karna chahta hai".


If you don't she says "Tasteless hai yaar".


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If you argue with her she says "Ziddi hai".


If you sit quietly she says "Dumb hai".


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If you act smarter she'll lose her brain as you are insulting her.


If she acts smarter she think its her right.


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If you don't love her she says "Is ka to pehlay say hi 2,3 ladkioon ke saath chakar hai".


If you love her she says " Peechay hi pad gayaa hai".


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If you don't give her a kiss she says "Tum mujh say serious naheen ho".


If you give her a kiss she says "Yaar who ladkaa flirt kar raha hai".


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If you don't tell her your problems she says "You are not honest to me".


If you do tell to her she says "You are a problem child".


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If you scold her she says "You act like a grandpa giving lecture".


If she scolds you she says "Yaar, its because I care".


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If you break a promise she says "He does not trust you any more".


If she breaks she says "Jaan main majboor thi"


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If you smoke she says "You are a bad guy".


If she smokes she says "I need this, please jaanu try to understand".


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If you do good in exams she says "Kismat NE saath diya warna tum or good marks".


If she gets good marks she says "Its my brain ".


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If you hurt her she says "You are cruel & don't care of my feelings".


If she hurts you she replies" You are not understanding".

Season Pass

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.


"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."


He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"


At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?" 

Rhyming couplets

A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... But the least romantic second line.
Here are some of the entries they received.
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My feelings for you no words can tell,


Except for maybe "go to hell "   
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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.


But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.  
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Oh loving beauty you float with grace


If only you could hide your face  
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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;


This describes everything you are not  
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I want to feel your sweet embrace


But don't take that paper bag off of your face  
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I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -


Damn, I'm good at telling lies !  
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I see your face when I am dreaming.


That's why I always wake up screaming  
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My love, you take my breath away.


What have you stepped in to smell this way
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Indian Mom

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner... who lives with a girl roommate Sunita.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar.

You don't suppose she took it, do you? "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house,

I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar.

But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and

I'm not saying that you

'do not' sleep with Sunita.

But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now.

Love,

Mom.

Statistics

According to the statistics below----- You were born way to early.

1970's : Love me, but don't touch me.

1980's : Touch me, but don't kiss me.

1990's : Kiss me, but don't do anything more.

2000's : Do anything, but don't tell anyone.

Since 2011 : Do everything, otherwise I will tell everyone that you can't do anything.

Don't Stop

Mom was cautioning daughter, "When your boyfriend wants to kiss you then say "DON'T" and when he hugs you tell him "STOP"

The daughter came back home happy.

Mother asked, "So you sure did what I told you to?"

The daughter said, "Yes Mom, I was so excited I used both words together "Don't Stop" :)

Scoring points

In the world, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

- You make the bed (+1)

- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)

- In the rain hand in hand (+80)

- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

- You stay by her side the entire party (0)

- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

- Named Tina (-4)

- Tina is a dancer (-1000)

Rules for Male-Written by Female

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding. )

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and " Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!

Boy & Girl

Boy & Girl in restaurant

Boy :- I Love u

Girl :- I don't Love u

Boy :- Think again?

Girl :- I told u. No no & no

Boy :- Waiter, bring separate bills.

Girl :- ok ok....... I Love u too......... . !