One Smart Farmer...

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic built up at an alarming rate.


The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.


So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."


"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.


"I don't care," said Farmer John. "Just do something about these crazy drivers!"


So the next day, the county workers erected a sign that said


SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.


Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."


So, again, the sheriff sent out the county workers and they put up a new sign:


SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.


But that sped the drivers up even more!


So Farmer John kept calling, and the sheriff kept changing the signs.


Finally, Farmer John said to the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"


The sheriff was ready to let Farmer John do just about anything if it would get him to stop calling every day. He said, "Sure thing, put up whatever you want."


And after that, the sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.


Three weeks later, the sheriff's curiosity got the best him and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers? Did you put up your sign?"


"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.


The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... It might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."


So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw nearly hit the floor at what he saw. There, painted neatly on a sheet of plywood was Farmer John's sign:


NUDIST COLONY: GO SLOW -- WATCH FOR CHICKS

Funny Story

While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.


He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.


Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.


"I do so by asking them the right questions," says
Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."


Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,


"Mr.Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"


Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"


"Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says,"Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"


Bush nods: "Yes Mr..President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"


Bush, upon returning to Washington,decides he'd better put Condoleeza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."


"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"


Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"


Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.


Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls ColinPowell and explains the problem.


"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"


Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."


Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"


And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Manmohan Singh!" 

Women are always Clever

Man: " Haven't we met before?"

Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"

Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"

Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"

Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"

Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."

Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"

Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "I know how to please a woman ."

Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."

Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."

Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."

Man: "Hey Cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"

Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"

Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

Man: "Your body is like a temple."

Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."

Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."

Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there ?"

Child Play

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, " Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"