I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
*********
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Gui try
*********
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
*********
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
*********
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
*********
The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
*********
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
*********
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
*********
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
*********
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
*********
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
*********
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
*********
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
*********
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
*********
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Anonymous
A old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you."
He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?" Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question. Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"
She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old fart!"
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
L: Have you any grounds?
P: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
L: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
P: It made of concrete.
L: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
P: No, we have carport, and not need one.
L: I mean. What are your relations like?
P: All my relations still in Poland.
L: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
P: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
L: Does your wife beat you up?
P: No, I always up before her.
L: Is your wife a nagger?
P: No, she white.
L: Why do you want this divorce?
P: She going to kill me.
L: What makes you think that?
P: I got proof.
L: What kind of proof?
P: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: Polish Remover".
********
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
*********
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Gui try
*********
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
*********
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
*********
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
*********
The great question.... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
*********
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
*********
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
*********
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
*********
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
*********
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
*********
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
*********
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
*********
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
*********
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Anonymous
*********
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year,the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished
