Showing posts with label grand mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grand mother. Show all posts

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Baby's first doctor visit



A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.


The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?


"Breast-fed,"she replied.


"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.


He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.


Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk. "


"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came ."


*******

Monday, April 4, 2011

Grandma in Court


Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren't prepared for the answer .
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In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; " Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.

You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.

Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, " Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.

One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair ."