Brake Fail

Brake fail

Santa : O Banno Car ki speed itani kyo badha di..?

Biwi : Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, accident ho jaye iske pehele ghar pahunch jaate hai.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Banta fell in love with a porno star and married her. He got an opportunity to watch one of her movie.... The Movie came to an End.

A bit disturbed and annoyed with what he saw, Banta told himself, "Thank God it was just a movie and not reality."

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Santa & Banta were fighting after exam.

Sir: Y r u fighting?

Santa : This fool left the answer sheet blank,

Sir: So what?

Santa: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.

 ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?

Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

........... ......... ......... ......... ......... .

I Want You To Be......

I Want You To Be

I Want You To Be with Me In a Nice Restaurant
To Have Candle Light Dinner...
& Say Those Sweet Three Words To U...
.
.
.
"Pay The Bill..."
===================================

Yesterday whole night I was thinking about only "U"
Now I'm thinking of "V".
Tonight I'll definitely think about
.
.
.
.
W,X,Y and Z....
===================================

What is the Frustrations ?

Angelina Jolie Comes at your home
And say Kiss me Now at just Rs. 100....
But that time you have only Rs. 50...
===================================

A dog was chasing a sardar and the sardar was laughing
A bystander : why are you laughing ?
Sardar : I have a Airtel phone but still hutch network is following.
===================================

Sardar

Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office...."
===================================

A Tamilian called up sardar and asks  " Tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
===================================

Divorce Joke...

"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully",
The divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."
"That's very nice, your honour", the husband said.
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks, myself".
===================================

Peace On Earth
What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!
===================================

Implants new ear

Doctor implants new ear to a man.
Man: U fraud, U gave me a woman's ear.
Doctor: It makes no difference.
Man: It does, now I can hear everything but understand nothing.


............ ......... ......... ......... .........


DIFF. BETWEEN GOD,TAILOR,GIRLFRIEND & WIFE?


GOD MAKES MAN,
TAILOR MAKES HIM GENTELMAN,
GIRLFRIEND MAKES HIM HE-MAN
AND WIFE MAKES HIM DOBERMAN.
............ ......... ......... ......... .........
This cat,
Is cat,
A cat,
Good cat,
Way cat,
To cat,
Keep cat,
An cat,
Idiot cat,
Busy cat,
For cat,
20 cat,
Seconds cat !...
Now read it without the word cat
............ ......... ......... ......... .........
Dream makes all things possible,
Hope makes all things work,
Luv makes all things beautiful,
Smile makes all the above
So always BRUSH UR TEETH...!
.......... ......... ......... ......... .........

Kitne Aadmi The

Kitne admi


Gabbar : Kitne admi they?
Sambha : Sardar 2




Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai




Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.




Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata




Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 AA sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.




Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.




Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba : Sardar Maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do..

=====================
Hum Milan Karatey Hai
Hum Giray Huyay Ko Uthatay Hain
Hum Bichroon Hoon Ko Milatay Hain
Kiyun K Hum
.
.
Bra Banaate Hain, Hum Bra Banaate Hain
~~~~~~~~~
Suraj bana to badal bane
Chand bana to tare bane
Husn bana to diwane bane
Kuch to hai baat aap me
Yuhi nahi pagalkhane bane...
~~~~~~~~~
Son: kal daddy ke office room se PRAYER karne ki awaaz AA rahi thi


Mom: pray karna to achhi baat hai


Son: daddy to chup they, unki secreatry chilla rahi thi "Oh God Oh  God"
~~~~~~~~~
Dil k dard ko zuba par laate nahi,
Hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,
Hum "DETTOL" k Siva kuch laagate nahi.
~~~~~~~~~

PAKISTANI JOKES - BANNED IN PAK

Here are some of those text messages that have angered the Pakistani establishment: 


1. Long lines 
A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line. 
“Did you manage to kill him ?", everyone asks him. 
“No, that line is longer than this one“, he replies. 


2. Robber meets Zardari 
Robber: “Give me all your money!” 
Zardari: “Don’t you know who I am? I am Asif Ali Zardari.” 
Robber: “OK. Give me all my money.” 


3. TV anchor announcing: 
Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Zardari and are demanding $5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have donated five liters.” 


4. Postmaster General announcing 
To commemorate the ascension to the Presidency, Pakistan Post has officially launched a new stamp. But the people of Pakistan are confused which side on the stamp to spit on. 


5. Announcement In Zardari’s official airplane… 
Mr. President , We are about to land. 
could you please put Sherry Rehman (former Information minister) in an upright position. Thank you…. 


6. Pakistani meets American 
Pakistani to American: What do you guys do with thieves? 
American: We treat them humanely and give them nice food, warm clothes and long jury trials
Pakistani: That’s nothing. We give them the presidency. 


7. Genie meets Pakistani 
Genie to Pakistani: Order me my master. What can I do for you? 
Pakistani to Genie: Bring me all the wealth in the Swiss bank. 
Genie: I am Genie, not Zardari.

Problem

Patient: mujhe problem hai. Na khaon to bhook lagti hai, na sou to neend aati hai, zyada kaam kar ke thak jata hoon.
Doctor : sari raat dhoop main baitho theek ho jao gaye.
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar ji was buying ticket on every station.
Friend: why don't u buy 1 ticket for the whole trip?
Sardar ji: my doctor told me not to take long trips.
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: tere result DA ki banya?
Pappu: madam kendi is class vich 1 saal hor lagana hai.
Sardar: phir theek hai, saal chahe 2,3 hor lag jayn, bas fail na hona.
~~~~~~~~~
Vo reshmi baalo
Vo reshmi baalo vali,
Bhuri aankho vali,
Komal hatho or naram pairo vali,
Matakti hui andhere mein,
Tumhare pass aayegi aur dhire se,
Bolegi.., "Miyaaau"…
............ ......... ......... ......... ....
Abe khajur,
Zoo se bhage hue langur,
Abe sade hue kele ke chilke,
Chuse hue am,
Circus ke retired bandar,
Aisa kisi ko na kehna,
Feel hota hai!
........... ......... ......... ......... ....
Jahan Dosti hain Wahan Pyaar hain,
Jahan Pyaar hain Waha Ishq hai,
Jahan Ishq hain Wahan Mohabbat,
Jahan Mohabbat hain Wahan Judaai,
Jahan Judaai wahan Dard,
Jahan Dard wahan ZANDU Balm!
............ ......... ......... ......... ....
Chand pe ghata chaati to hogi,
Sitaroon ko bhi neend aati to hogi...
Tum lakh chupao duniya se magar,
Akele me apni surat pe hansi aati to hogi....
............ ......... ......... ......... ....
Kaisi biwi
Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?
Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, Jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye!
............ ......... ......... ......
Teacher:" What is your name?".
Student: " Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:" When I ask a question in English, answer it in English."
Student:" My name is Sunlight
............ ......... ......... ......
Bhikari: sahab ek rupiya de do.
Sahab: tumhe sharam nahi aati, road par khade hokar bhikh mangte.
Bhikari: abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya
............ ......... ......... ......
Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti din bhar tumhare hathon me rehti.
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din nayi nayi to milti.
............ ......... ......... ......
Munabai-Are, Yar ye barish ke waqt bijali Q chamakti hain?
Circit-Bhai, Bole to uparwala torch mar ke dekhta hoga ki,
Sala koi NANGA to nahi naha raha..
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
Santa: Main Ne SANIA MIRZA
Se Phone Par Baat Ki..
Banta: That’s Great Yaar..
Uss Ne Kya Kaha..??
Santa: Uss Ne Kaha..
Sorry
Wrong Number..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bandar ki Beti Apne Bap se Boli Papa Papa Mujhe Shadi Karni Hai.
Beta thoda intazar karo kyonki.
Dulha Abhi SMS Read Kar Raha hai.
............ ......... ............
What's Ford?
Santa: Gadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gadi.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* **

Suicide of Disagreement

A talking Frog told Lalu, Lalu, you don't have any brain.
Lalu said, I have it.
Frog repeated, No you don't.
Excited Lalu yelled, Yes, I have it.
Angry Frog, screamed, No hell, you don't. And Frog jumps into the water.
Perturbed Lalu mumbled to himself, There was no need to drown and commit suicide for it!!
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
The newly married wife goes to the store to buy personal things for the husband. She inquires about the deodorant for the men.
The salesman asks, "Do you want the ball type."
The wife says, "No this is for his underarms."
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
Teacher: U idiots! At your age Einstein ranked first in class. Wt abt u..?
Student: Sir at your age Hitler committed suicide..! Wt abt u..?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
Boy to girl: Hey if i climb this coconut tree, I can see Engg college girls.
Girl: Leave both the hands from there, U can see medical college girls..
-----------------------------------------------------
Mirror Desire
Lalu spoke in love, "Why don't you and I go to some place where there is nobody."
Pyari flirted, "You won't make any mischief with me there, would you?"
Lalu assured in fright, "Not at all"
Pyari angered, "Then why the hell you want to go to there?"
~~~~~~~~~
Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice :
99% Sound and 1% Advice….
~~~~~~~~~
A student In a interview:
How does an electric motor run?
Student:dhuurrrr
Interviewer shouts: stop it.
Student: dhurr dhp dp dup dup.
~~~~~~~~~
Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Wives r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
~~~~~~~~
Ouch!
Ouch! It's too tight.
Don't worry,sweetheart ! We'll try to do it slowly.Push it in .
Aah!  I  can't. It's painful.
Ok,sweetheart, Let's get another..... .... WEDDING RING
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
The Top 5 answ. Given by girls in India when a boy proposes.
1)No
2)R u mad
3)i alwys looked u like a good friend
4)i don't belive in love
5)Sorry i love someone
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
A Toilet is like a committee meeting.
People come with lot of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and ultimately DROP THE MATTER.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......
Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?
Mrs. Smith: Yes,  thirteen.
Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?
Mrs. Smith:  Well, I love my husband.
Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of  my mouth once in a while.
----------------------------------------------------
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Good… Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Bad…. Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn’t say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You appoint me.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **
Munna Bhai: Aay circuit, baapu bole to Gandhi ji
Kapde kyun nahi pehantay thay?
Circuit: Bhai bole to baapu bhi us time
Ke Salmaan Khan thay!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maths teacher asked JOHNY
“If u have 12 chocalate and u give 5 to DONA,
3 to ALICE and 4 to ROMA then what will u get ?
JOHNY replied “Sir! 3 new girl friends”.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled, why?
When asked him, he said,
"Oye, that’s for those who don’t know Swimming. 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE. 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
U can control ur breadth,not ur death.
U can control ur life but not wife...
U can control emotions.... .but not
Loose motions..ha ha
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *

Flirt

Is duniya me flirt ki koi kami nahi...
Suraj ko hi dekhlo,
Wo aata hai Usha ke sath,
Jata Sandhya ke sath,
Sota Nisha ke sath,
Aur uthta Kiran ke sath...
~~~~~~~~~
Pathan's wife: Jaan ek puppy do na.
Pathan: kocha! Ghar main khaanay k liye paisa nahi hai, aur tujhe kuttay ka bacha chahiye.
~~~~~~~~~
Ek Pathan ke pass blank message aya,
Pathan us number pe phone kar k bola. :"tum ko pata hai yara, tumhare mobile ka ink khatam ho gaya hai."
~~~~~~~~~
Wife: suniye g aap ka dost galat ladki se shaadi kar raha hai. Aap usse rokte kyon nahi?
Husband: main kyon rokon? Us NE mujhe roka tha kya.
~~~~~~~~~


Girl's excuses:
Phone mat kiya karo dear,
mom hoti hai near,
papa se lagta hai fear,
baat nahin hoti hai clear
Isliye SMS kiya karo dear
without fear n very clear
***************
Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se
baandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal
***************
Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe
likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN
***************
Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile,
mujhse bhi achche yaar mile,
meri girlfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe
aur tujhe ek aur behan ka pyar mile
***************
It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper
that we use to write one exam.
Join us in promoting the noble cause
of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS
***************
Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha.
2nd day doosri ladki k saath dekha gaya.
3rd day koi aur ladki thi.
4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey
***************
Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?
Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.
***************

In art gallery
In art gallery : couple sees picture of a girl covered by leaf.
Husband keet watching her.
Wife : ab chaloge bhi ya Hawa k aane ka intezar karte raho gey?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...
Sardar sharab peeta ro raha tha.
Sharab wala : kyon ro rahe ho?
Sardar : aur kya karoon? Main jis ladki ka naam bhulana chata hoon. Us ka naam yaad hi nahi aa raha.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...
Wife : I will die.
Husband : I will also die.
Wife : why do u want to die?
Husband : because main itni khushi bardasht nahi kar sakta.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...
Maa: beti tum sari raat kahan thi?
Beti: main sari raat apne boy friend ke saath thi.
Maa: to kar aayee apna muh kala.
Beti: to kya hua fair & lovely hai na.

Santa Banta Once Again

Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Jeeto: U know, husband & wife aren't allowed to be together in heaven!
Santa: Yes, I do.That's why it's called heaven!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank's slogan was: We make your dreams come true...
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of College?
The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS
-------------------------------------------------------------
Pappu: Dad, what is an idiot?
Santa: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Pappu: No.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever: What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Angry Santa to his son: Have you ever seen an owl?
Pappu: (Looking down) No...
Santa: Don't look down. Look at me.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Doctor asks Santa to give urine sample, stool & sperm sample for his yearly checkup.
Santa: I'm in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Shopkeeper: This sweater's made of pure virgin wool sir.
Santa: You see I am not interested in the morals of the sheep. Just tell me, will it keep me warm?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa: How's Ur Sex Life?
Banta: As ususal great, Monday to Friday.
Santa: What about the weekends?
Banta: Weekends? Oh! that time I'm at home, relaxing with my wife.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Banta to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Banta: So what, take an umbrella and go.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have posted it.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.
-------------------------------------------------------------
What a rip-off! Santa picked up a book called 37 Mating Positions. He goes home, opens it... and it turns out to be a book on chess!
-------------------------------------------------------------
An Englishman and Banta inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Banta: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on the road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Banta: I'm learning car driving.
Inspector: Without the instructor?
Banta: Correspondence Course!
-------------------------------------------------------------
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports, Discovery Channel and Pogo!"
-------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: U call ur mother as MUM... what'll u call ur mother's younger sister & elder sister?
Santa's son: Mini Mum & Maxi Mum!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa's father gave him a gun on wedding night & said: Fire in air if ur wife is virgin, shoot her if not.
Santa fired in air 1st night & shot her 2nd night.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Boss: I'm giving u driver's job. Starting salary Rs. 3000, is it OK ?
Santa: U R great sir! Starting salary is Ok but how much is DRIVING salary?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa & Banta were looking at Egyptian mummy.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case. Banta: Aaho, lorry number is also written... BC 1760 !!!.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Banta: What do you call a wife who is beautiful, intelligent, understanding, caring, never jealous and a great cook?
Santa: Niri Afwah !!!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa gets a Cheque & throws it on the ground. Can you Guess why?
To see whether it'll BOUNCE or not!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Banta was traveling in an auto rickshaw with his wife. The driver adjusted the mirror.
Banta shouted: U r trying to see my wife, sit back, I'll drive!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa looked in the mirror & said: Seems I've seen him some where.
Then he says: Oh yes! He's the same bastard who was standing next to my wife in my wedding album.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Pappu: Dad what's Sex?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything. 
Pappu: But dad how do I write all that in this small box of school admission form?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa declares: I'll never marry in my life and I'll give same advice to my children also.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa: I'd like some Vitamins for my son.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C ?
Santa: Any will do as my son doesn't know the albhabets yet.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Gal: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
Banta: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest.
-------------------------------------------------------------
What's an adult joke?
Santa: Any joke which is eighteen years old.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates and Me? 
Banta: Don't know.
Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go to his!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa & Banta are walking down the road when Banta says: Look at that dog with one eye!
Santa covers one of his eyes and says: Where?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, u r married now.
Santa: U mean if I am on diet, I can't look at the menu also?
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Santa drinking heavily in bar gets up and farts loudly. Man next to him: Excuse me, but you just farted before my wife.
Santa: Sorry, I didn't know it was her turn
-------------------------------------------------------------
Heights of Friendship: Santa commiting suicide, someone asked the reason. He said: My wife ran with my friend and I can't live without my friend.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa: I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.'
He wrote: I was made by a mistake.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Santa to his son: I think it's right time we should talk about sex!
Pappu: Sure dad, what do u wanna know...?
-------------------------------------------------------------
An ATM's jammed & failed when operated by Santa. Why? B'coz he put a pin from his turban when asked: Enter ur Pin
-------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.
Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand.
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Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on Escalators.
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Lady Secretary: Sir, it's your wife's call. She wants to kiss you on the phone.
Santa: Take message and give me later.
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Santa: What food you feed your new born baby?
Beautiful young Mom: Breast milk & Orange juice...
Santa: Oye, which side is orange juice?
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Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto, Banta asks: Why are you removing a wheel from your auto?
Santa: Can't you read 'Parking for two wheelers only'
-------------------------------------------------------------
See what a spelling mistake can do...
Santa went to Goa. Sent SMS to his wife: Having a wonderful time, wish u were Her
-------------------------------------------------------------
Banta: Some people can tell time by looking at the sun.
Santa: But I've never been able to see the numbers
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Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
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Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For u n ur parents
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Banta: Y do u take ur wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is open
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Museum Administrator: That's a 500 year old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
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Banta: I've discovered the origin of the word Good-Bye
Santa: Oh, yeah? What's it? Banta: Many years ago, some husband said to his wife, 'I'm leaving u!' & the wife said: Good! Bye!
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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
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Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Banta: U looked troubled, what's ur prob?
Santa: I'm going to b a father
Banta: But, that's wonderful
Santa: What's wonderful! My wife doesn't know about it yet
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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That's Tipu's skeleton when he was child
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Banta: Y did u buy ur wife a huge diamond ring for her B'day? I thought she wanted a car.
Santa: She did, but where in the world was I going to find a fake car?
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Santa: If I die will u remarry?
Jeeto: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Santa: No, I'll also stay with ur sister
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Jeeto & Preeto were talking about their new milkman.
Jeeto: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said Preeto
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A man to Santa: Ur friend is kissing ur wife in ur home.
Santa rushes home and came back within half an hour n slapped the man n said: He's not my friend.
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While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here
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Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Couple of seconds later he received a report on his phone and he started to dance. The report said: 'Delivered'
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Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing? 
Santa: Drying sweat
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Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.
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Jeeto yelled at Santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?
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Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.
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A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. 
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out
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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
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Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long.....!
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Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM
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Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
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Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, PUTTAR hua PUTTAR. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It's a gal
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Jeeto: If I die what'll you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some time too much of happiness can also kill a man.
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Santa: What's difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser & superman wears it over the trouser.
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