Height of Kanjoosi

Height of Kanjoosi: Bania's house in fire,

He is givng miss calls 2 Fire brigade

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What makes a book bestseller?

A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl .. :)

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What happens when a lion roars thrice?

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Think

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Any guess?

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Ok, I will tell you..

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Tom & Jerry cartoon begins!

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Only special people receives love

Only special minds receives wisdom

Only special hands receives gifts

And only special persons receive MY MESSAGES

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Kitne admi the

Gabbar : Kitne admi they?

Sambha : Sardar 2

Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?

Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai

Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?

Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.

Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?

Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata

Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?

Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 AA sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.

Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?

Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.

Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?

Samba : Sardar Maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do..

The fiction department

The fiction department

Prospective husband : Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

Sales girl : The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

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Said to a railroad engineer:

What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The reply from the railroad engineer:

How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

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Who says English is easy?

Yes or NO? It's all the same!

Fill these blanks with YES or NO

............ ., I don't have a brain.

............ ., I don't have sense.

............ ., I am stupid.

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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Police officer.

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying for years."

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- Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

- It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Mallika Sherawat

Mallika sherawat

Malika sherawat goes to skin doctor and ask, "Main nahatay waqat kya lagaoun?"

Doctor: "bathroom ki kundi."

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Chaewala ladki dekh kar bola: bholi is soorat, ankhaon mein masti, dur khadi sharmaye, aae haaye,

Ladki boli: kali is surat, haath me ketli, dur khara chilaye, chae chae.

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Boy says 2 girl: tute hue dil se pyar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyar karogi.

Girl says: tuti hui chapal se pite Ga ya chappal tutne tak pitega.

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Chemistry ki class main teacher NE ek larki se pucha what is "Nitrate"?

Larki Sharma kar boli: "sir, night rate 1500/-, aur hotel charges alag honge."

PJ

An Elephant meets an Ant!!

On Introduction:

Ant : Haathi tumhari umar kitni hai?

Elephant: Paanch Saal !!!

Ant : Paanch Saal aur itnay bade !!!

Elephant: I AM A COMPLAN BOY .

Elephant: Cheetti tumhari umar kitni hai ?

Ant: Tees Saal.

Elephant: Tees Saal aur itni chhoti.

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Ant: Haan ....

I AM A SANTOOR GIRL.... MERI TWACHA SEY MERI UMAR KA PATA HI NAHI CHALTA !

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Jeevan ke Muskil Rasto pe kaun aap ka saath dega

Mummy Papa........ ....... Nahi

Brother Sister...... ......... ...Nahi

Friends..... ......... ......... ......Nahi

Husband Lover....... ......... Nahi Nahi

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Sirf or Sirf Aap ki "CHAPPAL"

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Lalloo Jokes

* Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security

guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...

* Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las

Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could you

tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...". The man at the

other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank

you" and puts the phone down.

* Laloos family planning policy..

"Don't have more than two children in one year"

* At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender,

"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS,

SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo

replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

* After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture.

To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a herd of

buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the

photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE

CAPTION "Laloo, third from left"

* Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business

Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with Bihar

and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we

will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very

surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated "Give me three

days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"

* A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for a divorce ?"

"Marriage"

* Laloo returns from a US tour. As he completes his press conference and is

about to leave, he goes, "I would like to thank the president of the United

States from the bottom of my heart and my wife's bottom too"

In art gallery

In art gallery : couple sees picture of a girl covered by leaf.

Husband was keep watching her.

Wife : AB chaloge bhi ya Hawa k aane ka intezar karte raho gey?

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Sardar sharab peeta ro raha tha.

Sharab wala : kyon ro rahe ho?

Sardar : aur kya karon? Main jis larki ka naam bhulana chata hoon. Us ka naam yaad he nahi AA raha.

Boys never change

Girls Collage mei Strike ho gai,Sabhi girls Nare Laga rahi hai,

Girls k saath Boys bhi unka satth de rahe hai,

Girls ne Nare lagate huye "HAMARI MANGE....,

Piche se Awaz aye,"SINDUR SE BHARO....".

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Wife : Ek baat bolu??

Husband : Bolo

Wife : Maaroge to nahi?

Husbund : Nahi to, kya baat hai?

Wife : main pregnant hun

Husband : Hurray!!! Its gud news, dar kyu rahi thi??

Wife : College ke dino mai papa ko bataya tha to badi maar padi thi.

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Lalu Goes 2A Shop & Asks:

A Bandarva Ka Photu Kitne Ka He Re?

Shopkepper: Woh Phutwa Nahin Sahib

Wo To Sheesa (Mirror) Hai!

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Sweetest Proposal by a kg class Boy

Boy:Kya tu mujhse shadi kalegi?

Gal:Nahi

Boy:Kalle na plz

Gal:nahi main nahi kalungi..... ..

Boy:kall le na didi plzzzzzzzzzz

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Clean Breath for Love

Clean Breath for Love

Lalu Pundit was reading a book of eternal truth.

He told his wife Pyari, "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"

Pyari advised, "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"

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Lalu was saying to girl friend Pyari, "I love you" and he fell down on the floor.

Confounded Pyari cried, "How come you fell down?"

Fallen Lalu explained , " I fell in love with you."

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Boy friend: You really sing very well.

Girl Friend: Oh no I am just a bathroom singer

Boy friend: Well, then why you and I don't practice singing to-gather.

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An affluent old man marries a beautiful young woman.

Tabloid interviewer asked the woman, "What did it attract you in this Old man that you married him."

The woman explained, "I was attracted with a big number of dollars and a small number of days ahead."

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Collection of PJ's

Brad Pitt and Vidya Balan get married

After marriage, lots of students gather at their home.

why ?

Because her name becomes Vidya Pitt (vidyapeeth)

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Rahul gandhi: Mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho pa rahi.

Sonia gandhi: Kyun beta?

Rahul gandhi: Har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do.

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BRUCE LEE was a great man

But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man.

why?

Because he became

MAMU LEE!

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Santa and banta r discussing...

Santa: "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!"

Banta: "with me it's the opposite, if i sleep i can't drink coffee."

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One day Ravan went to a disco aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya.

kyun?

B'coz it was written on the gate that "entry fee Rs.1500 per head"

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who made Ganesh to Anesh...????

ThinK......

Think......

Okay.....

" KAILASH KHER " Tere naam se " G " loon....

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Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai.

To naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai.

Kyon?

Think.

Give up??

Coz... "Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango.."

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Ek nadi thi...... uske upar ek pull bana hua tha.....

pull par bahut saari ladkiyan khadi thi...... sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....

Guess who was the lucky guy?

Keep Guessing.... ..

Chalo yaar....the answer is "KISNA"

Jo hai albela mad naino wala... jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala..... woh kisna hai...

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If a CAT crosses ur way, when u are going some where, then what does it mean????????

It means that the Cat is also going somewhere.

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AND FINALLY THE LAST ONE NOT THE LEAST

Why are Indian husbands called "MADE OF SILVER"

And Why are American husbands called "MADE OF GOLD"

Socho

Thoda aur Socho

Socho Socho....

Nahi Aata

Bcoz Indian wives call their husband "A g" (Scientific Symbol for Silver)

And American wives call their husband "A u" (Scientific Symbol for Gold....)

Chit Chat

A pharmacist told his new assistant to be polite to every customer that came in. "If you're stuck for conversation, talk about the weather," he advised.

When the pharmacist came back from having his dinner, the assistant was sporting a lovely black eye. "So much for your advice," moaned the assistant.

"What happened?" asked the pharmacist.

"Well, this woman came in for a packet of sanitary napkins. Trying to make conversation, I said that it looked like it was going to be a dull weekend…" :)

TIME TO LAUGH

1)what is the cube of 13?

Its : SUROOR

Wondering how?

That's bcoz....

TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR

2) ek aadmi k 6 fingers thi,use log hanuman bulate the...batao kyon?

Kyonki uska naam hanuman tha..

3) who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad?

..........sita with ravan

4) wht did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?

.......Aaila! !!!! Kisne mera pocket maar liya

5) what do u call a really colourful tamilian???

Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan

6) An elephant falls in luv with n Ant.but Ant's parents r against their marrige...guess y??

They gave a solid reason...**Ladke k daant bahar hain **

7) ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought..

......kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona Honda..

8) Full form of MATHS?

Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students...

9) what wud u call a girl who never laughs??

Ans: hasi-na

Boy & Girl

Boy & Girl in restaurant

Boy :- I Love u

Girl :- I don't Love u

Boy :- Think again?

Girl :- I told u. No no & no

Boy :- Waiter, bring separate bills.

Girl :- ok ok....... I Love u too......... . !