Boss Kidnapped

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time.....


Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"


They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.


We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."


One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?


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"About 1 litre."

Best excuse by a female employee!

This incident, is supposed to have happened in real life.


The head of Human Resources at a very large bank, says that the best excuse for absenteeism, that he had ever received in his career of almost 22 years, was from a female Indian employee, at their bank's head quarters at Mumbai, India, in July, 2011.


He says when the lady, was questioned on why she remained absent the previous day,


She simply replied .......


"But sir, I had no option. My husband was on casual leave yesterday and was at home and by mistake he took pills from the wrong bottle in our medicine cabinet and ended up consuming an overdose of Viagra! Now how could I have left him, all alone at home, with the house-maid?"

Job rejected?

Next time your application for a job is rejected...

Dear [Interviewer's Name ]:

Thank you for your letter of [Date of Interview].

After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have had been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite [Firm's Name]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]

POETIC RESIGNATION

Humorous Employee Resignation

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The name is good, the brand is big

But the work I do is that of a pig

The work or the brand; what is my way?

I don't know if I should stay.

To work, they have set their own way

Nobody will care to hear what I say

My will be NULL, they wont change their way

I don't know if I should stay.

The project is in a critical stage

But to do good work, this is the age

This dilemma is killing me day by day

I don't know if I should stay.

The money is good, the place is great

But the development is at a very small rate

Should I go for the work, or wait for pay

I don't know if I should stay!

The managers don't know what they talk

The team doesn't know where they walk

That's a bad situation, what say?

I don't know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place

But what if I get the same disgrace

I can't keep switching day by day

I don't know if I should stay.

The -ves are more, the +ves are less

Then why have this unnecessary mess

No more will I walk their way,

It's all done, I won't stay.

HR Processes

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven ," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening owns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

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Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee.